Rove's Election Diary:
Care of the Blue People
By Bernard Weiner
Co-Editor, "The Crisis Papers."
November 8, 2004
It was pathetic -- and so deeeelicious! The liberals hadn't a
clue they were about to get their heads handed to them.
The Dems read the favorable exit polls, they saw Zogby's final poll showing
their guy way ahead, they heard about the enormous number of new, especially
young, voters -- Kerry's victory was in the bag. Heh heh heh.
Within an hour or two, they were mincemeat, as our totals not only kept pace
with theirs but mysteriously surged ahead in key states.
Liberals are such fools. They knew my history and knew what we were going to
do -- insure that our evangelical base showed up at the polls, smear Kerry
at his points of strength, "suppress" the vote wherever and however we
could, present them with some "October surprises." In effect, we dared them
to try to stop us from doing what we said we'd do. But they couldn't because
they prefer to whine and make a lot of intellectual noise rather than get in
there and slug it out with us in the dark alleys of contemporary politics.
And then there was the huge hole left open for us in this country's
non-secure system of ballot counting. Stalin said it best: It doesn't matter
whose vote counts, it's who counts the votes.
DRIVING THROUGH THAT VOTING HOLE
The experts had been warning for more than a year about the built-in
weaknesses of the new computer voting system. But, in their namby-pamby
innocence, few Dems thought anybody actually would try to mess with that
system; after all, there had been so much negative publicity about the new
voting system from computer scientists and mainstream reporters -- about how
vulnerable the system was to being hacked or manipulated by the company's
technicians, leaving no trace of having been played with.
The Dems knew that our corporate supporters, who manufactured the machines,
also owned the proprietary software that controlled both computer-machines
and optical-scanner machines -- in short, that it was possible to call the
shots in deciding the vote totals needed. But the Dems did nothing in
Congress or anywhere else to plug up those holes and demand a more
transparent system. Not only that, but they never even mentioned the
possibility of such manipulation during the campaign. One could almost
imagine they didn't care, or didn't want to win all that much.
But they sure are complaining now, vowing to get to the bottom of the 2004
vote-counting "scandal," and trying to ensure that the whole balloting
system is made airtight for the next time out. Lots of luck, fellas, it
ain't gonna happen.
The liberals just don't get it. We know what they don't: that most Americans
don't really care all that much. They don't mind if we engage in some
electoral hanky-panky, or if we practice deception on Congress, or even if
we send their sons and daughters to war based on lies and faulty intel; they
just want to move on in their lives, and they're scared (we made sure to
give them "terrorism booster-shots" as often as possible). The world is a
complex, dangerous place and they'll trust us to do what needs to be done.
Simple answers, simple slogans, simple good people. They're "true believers"
and card-carrying "patriots," and that's our hook for moving them along to
TAKING CARE OF THE BLUE PEOPLE
Of course, there's that other half of the country, those Blue-in-the-face
wimps who see our Administration as illegitimate and will give us grief for
the next four years. Let 'em turn up their noses in contempt, move to
Canada, threaten us with nasty words on the internet -- fuck 'em, we have
the power and they don't. We'll run right over them. (Note to myself: Figure
out a way to rein in the internet; if the Chinese can block server access,
why can't we?)
We'll even change the rules in the Congress, to eliminate the possibility of
filibusters. There will be no extended anti-Bush debates while I'm in charge
-- I mean while I'm "advising the President." Gotta be careful there. The
Boy Genius needs to rein it in.
When Rehnquist goes, Scalia becomes Chief Justice (no Senate approval needed
for an internal move), and we start packing the court with our people as
more vacancies open up. The ACLU types can yell and scream all they want,
claiming we have no mandate for such extreme actions. Maybe we don't really
have a mandate, but we sure as hell have got the votes, and we'll alter the
direction of that court for the next thirty or forty years. Bork you, Teddy!
It's values, baby. (Meaning ours, of course. The other side doesn't get to
GIVING TREATS TO SPECIAL FRIENDS
This is so much fun! Not just having all the reins of power in our hands --
the Congress, the White House, the Courts, the mass-media (couldn't have
done it without the "fair and balanced" reporting -- heh heh -- of Fox News,
and Rush and the cable TV guys) -- but it's also getting to watch the
liberals writhing in agony over their powerlessness. Now I know how those
U.S. guards felt at Abu Ghraib as they humiliated their prisoners.
Wait until they see how we get Patriot Act II provisions passed and move on
to Patriot III -- maybe some camps in the Mohave Desert for unpatriotic
resisters -- and who our various appointments are going to be -- not just on
the judicial bench, but all over the place. We have a lot of friends to
thank: maybe a position for John O'Neill over at the VA, get Glenda Hood
into Congress, Judith Miller on the Defense Policy Board, make sure Ken
Blackwell gets the Ohio governor's chair, Wally O'Dell a giant
ambassadorship, and I guess we'll have to give John McCain a big bone at
Defense. For the likes of Colin Powell, Tony Zinni, Joe Wilson, Paul
O'Neill, Hans Blix and David Kay: a colonoscopy performed with a weed-wacker.
And we have a lot of lollipops to pass out to our information-control
friends at Fox News, CNN, the cable pundits -- they made sure to keep our
talking points always in mind, and they handled those disastrous debates,
and the inevitable dumb remarks by our candidate, with smooth efficiency.
The Dems, bless their archaic hearts, still think newspapers (and newspaper
endorsements) are all that's important; wake up and smell the mass-media
coffee, fellas. We control the roasting of the beans!
KERRY MELTED AWAY SO EASILY
Must say I was a bit surprised that Kerry said uncle so quickly; this was
the guy who raked Bush for "rushing to war" and now Kerry was "rushing from
war." It didn't take much arm-twisting to get Kerry to concede. We got him
to focus on the numbers in Ohio, and he saw that he couldn't do it. He was
so exhausted and self-involved, he didn't even think beyond his own campaign
by demanding recounts in the various key states or raising issues of fraud.
Of course, we alluded to what would happen to him if he tried -- that might
have sharpened his desire to get back in line.
He wasn't a bad campaigner; it's just that there was no way we were going to
allow anybody to keep us from four more years. If he brought in 5 million
young voters for Kerry, we would bring in even more than that from the
fundie churches. If he brought in lawyers, we brought in lawyers -- and
software technicians. No traces, just circumstantial evidence. We're home
So, since we don't have to worry about getting elected anymore, we can let
the neo-cons out of their cages, and ratchet up our agenda. We'll make a
feint to the Dems in the name of "bipartisanship," to show how "reasonable"
we are, but it's full steam ahead and they'd better jump on board -- or get
thrown overboard. We don't need them.
And we don't need any old European allies or United Nations ditherers
either. Crush the Iraq rebellion, install a "legitimately-elected"
government in Iraq after the January balloting -- which will be a bit
difficult to pull off, since we may not be able to hold the election in
about a quarter-to-half of the country. Then we proceed with our campaign of
using Iraq as a warning to other Arab leaders in the Middle East. If this is
what you want to happen to you and your country, go ahead and resist our
power. Shock & Awe concentrates the mind wonderfully.
BEWARE OF THE ARROGANCE MONSTER
But we have learned that reality sometimes can up and bite us -- surprised,
really, that the American voters didn't make us pay any penalty for the
egregious botch we've made of Iraq -- so we have to be a bit less
in-your-face in the Middle East, at least for awhile. Now that Arafat is no
longer in the equation, maybe we can actually make some progress in calming
down the situation there, so that we can continue to unfold our program of
"benevolent hegemony" and our effective control of the oil.
And we have to always remember the Nixon example. In '72, President Nixon
won a huge mandate (a real one), and was forced to resign two years later.
He got heady with his victory, and believed he was untouchable.
Many of us in the Bush White House harbor similar beliefs -- especially
given the political invincibility provided by the election results -- and
want to move in fast-and-furious fashion to enact our major agenda items in
the first year. I do, too, but I'm aware of the unseen dangers lurking out
there -- especially with an angry, resentful Dem minority, just waiting to
pounce on us, and maybe a few moderate Republicans thinking about doing a
Jeffords and joining the Dem side. So I hope we can keep the arrogance
factor down to a respectable level.
But, damn I'm good. I love this sweet taste in my mouth. I even like making
the rounds of the Sunday TV talk shows, and getting my photo on the magazine
But I don't like razor-thin victories. It's time to crush and destroy the
Democrat opposition, grind them into the ground, drive a stake through their
hearts, make sure they never rise again to oppose us. Whoa! Down, boy!
Copyright 2004, by Bernard Weiner